Never before have I received so many texts, messages, emails requesting "urgent couple counselling" than in the last few weeks. So why is this the case?The one thing I'm learning through these uncertain times is that the lockdown has provided an opportunity, albeit through necessity, to really re-evaluate relationships.Let's face it, counselling isn't something that people look forward to, but often, it's the last resort or a crisis situation that brings couples into therapy.
6 Strands of Connection
the Health of Relationships
As a relationship expert and couples counsellor, I’m often asked what
attributes to look for when trying to determine how good or bad a relationship
is and whether or not the differences or gap between them are too large to
overcome. Simply put, do we stay and try
and work it out or cut our losses.
What I look for in determining the state of a relationship are 6 key elements
that I call the “strands” which are essential to connect people together in
order to thrive.
We all have that friend who is constantly on the path of self discovery, growth and new beginnings. Continuously searching for that silver bullet to turn their lives around, bring new relationships into their lives or take on the new life changing project - well this week's one anyway. However, do you also notice how their personality, behaviours or attitudes may take a shift to the left or the right shortly after reading this month's latest release, always fleeting until the permanency of who they are returns.
Recently, there has been a new age wave in the helping
profession that I am finding both concerning and disturbing - I like to call them “insighters”. Those wanting to ‘spread their word’ on
their meaning of life - or worse, tell you how you should live yours (for a
small fee - of course). They come
under many guises such as Action Coach, Life Expert, Life Specialist, Life
Mentor, Motivator, Passion Driver, Positive Energy Consultant, just to name but
a few. Sadly, all of who are unqualified,
unregistered and certainly have no experience in mental health or well-being.
How to Fight Fair
I've always believed that when parents adopt the "stop fighting" stance when their children are roughhousing or arguing, prevents teaching the "how to be in relationship with others" lesson.
Parents are often overwhelmed with the noise, frequency, inequality, velocity and viciousness of the fighting. By instructing children to "stop fighting" may feel like an appropriate response to unacceptable behaviour that receives an immediate response.
The latest research suggests that 67% of recently married couples end in
divorce. Expectantly, second marriages, third and so on, the percentages
increase exponentially. This is a worrying statistic and appears to be on the
rise including a gender shift in infidelity with an increase of more than 45%
of married women now claiming to have had an affair/s in the last 10 years.
Although many factors contribute to a marriage breakdown, people citing
"excess baggage" being brought from one relationship into another, in reference
to their partner, ie THEIR children, THEIR past relationships, THEIR family as a
key feature in the demise of the marriage.