Never before have I received so many texts, messages, emails requesting "urgent couple counselling" than in the last few weeks. So why is this the case?The one thing I'm learning through these uncertain times is that the lockdown has provided an opportunity, albeit through necessity, to really re-evaluate relationships.Let's face it, counselling isn't something that people look forward to, but often, it's the last resort or a crisis situation that brings couples into therapy.

 

 

As a relationship expert and couples counsellor, I’m often asked what attributes to look for when trying to determine how good or bad a relationship is and whether or not the differences or gap between them are too large to overcome.  Simply put, do we stay and try and work it out or cut our losses.

 

What I look for in determining the state of a relationship are 6 key elements that I call the “strands” which are essential to connect people together in order to thrive.

We all have that friend who is constantly on the path of self discovery, growth and new beginnings.  Continuously searching for that silver bullet to turn their lives around, bring new relationships into their lives or take on the new life changing project - well this week's one anyway. However, do you also notice how their personality,  behaviours or attitudes may take a shift to the left or the right shortly after reading this month's latest release, always fleeting until the permanency of who they are returns.

 

I've always believed that when parents adopt the "stop fighting" stance when their children are roughhousing or arguing, prevents teaching the "how to be in relationship with others" lesson.

Parents are often overwhelmed with the noise, frequency, inequality, velocity and viciousness of the fighting.  By instructing children to "stop fighting" may feel like an appropriate response to unacceptable behaviour that receives an immediate response.

 

Although many factors contribute to a marriage breakdown,  people citing "excess baggage" being brought from one relationship into another, in reference to their partner, ie THEIR children, THEIR past relationships, THEIR family as a key feature in the demise of the marriage.